Getting over a breakup can be totally confusing and seem downright impossible. I recently experienced my first real breakup — and honestly, it felt like the end of the world. If you find yourself climbing heartbreak hill, here’s 5 tips to help you out. What to do & what definitely not to do after a breakup:
1. What Not To Do
Suppress your feelings or try to cover them up. This doesn’t work (I’ve tried), and will cause you to implode.
What To Do
Feel your feelings, fully and completely. When a romantic relationship ends, you suffer the loss of a loved one. And that hurts like hell. Hurt, sad, disappointed, angry, full of regret, bitter, betrayed, like the Universe is conspiring against you, like you got hit by a bus, whatever it may be; uncomfortable feelings will come up. Cry, scream, dance, do whatever it is you need to do to let them out. It isn’t until you allow these emotions to move through you that you will be able to release them. Suppressing your feelings or covering them up will just delay the healing process. Feel your feelings so you can fully release them.
2. What Not To Do
Judge yourself for any thoughts you’re thinking or feelings you’re feeling.
What To Do
Be kind and gentle to yourself. Breakups can leave you feeling like your world is completely over and that you’re never going to find love again — all of which is totally untrue, but in the moment, your fate of living with 20 cats seems inevitable. This is totally normal and you should in no way, shape, or form feel as though your response is ridiculous or dramatic — it’s not.
3. What Not To Do
Keep in contact with your ex. Keep seeing them, texting them, and hanging out with them, even if it is as “just friends.” Doing these things just makes it a hundreds time harder for you to accept that things are different than they once were.
What To Do
Separate yourself from them, it doesn’t have to be forever but you need to give yourself time to digest the breakup. Allowing your ex to hold space in your life by keeping contact with them is a sure way to delay your healing process. When you feel like you want to shoot them a text, call your bestie instead. When you know you’re going to see them at your favorite bar, find a new spot to hang at. Sometimes you may have to go out of your way in order to keep your distance from them, especially if they’re a co-worker or in your same group of friends. It might seem unfair at times to change your plans or routine just to steer clear of them, but seeing them while you’re trying to heal is like adding salt to the wound, it’s going to sting.
4. What Not To Do
Fantasize about your ex. Daydreaming about how he or she could have made you so happy, or that you were suppose to live in a house by the beach, have 3 kids, and a dog named Spot is a recipe for disaster.
What To Do
Fantasize about life without your ex. Create stories about how you want your life to pan out — romance, success, love, etc., and feel good. When we think these positive thoughts our energy shifts and we feel more positive. Our brain doesn’t know that what we’re feeling is based on some illusion that we’re creating in our mind. So use this to your advantage. Instead of daydreaming about your ex, start to imagine that a new guy or gal is somewhere waiting to come into your life. How is this new partner going to make you feel? When we dwell in love, we feel love, and we attract love.
5. What Not To Do
Stalk your ex on social media.
What To Do
Instead of wasting your precious time, energy, and effort trying to figure out what they’re up to, how their life is going, and whether they have found someone new (warning: once you know something you can’t unknow it), find a hobby. Take this time to focus on YOU — because ultimately, the most important relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves.
We hope these tips serve you well if you find yourself trekking up heartbreak hill and remember everyone comes in and out of our lives for a reason — it’s all for soul growth, sister.
If you know someone navigating through a breakup be sure to send them lots of love and share this article with them.
Erika & Jess
PS. Drop us a comment below! We love hearing from you!